She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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