Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
