Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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