You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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