If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
