He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Randomize
