I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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