first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize