how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize