one two three fourrrrnication!
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
