So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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