She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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