i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
