Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i will never coherently bang her
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
