He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
