Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize