got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
