He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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