Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
