I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
