It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
