I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
