why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
What drink are we having for lunch?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
