The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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