My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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