so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
