I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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