It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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