Kareoke will never be a sober sport
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
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