Even the bartender felt bad for me
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
