I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
