It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
