Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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