Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
one might say we're banned from that church
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
