yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
