I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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