laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
