He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
