Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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