Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
