The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize