Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
