I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
