I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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