can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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