I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
