I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize