How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
