you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
