We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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