It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
