around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
