the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
