i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
