I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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