Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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