Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
