The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize