Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
