Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
