just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
