your room smells of hookers.
And success
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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