I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
it's great music for shaving your balls
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
