The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
