I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
