at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
