how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Ladies don't puke and tell
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
