Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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