thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
