you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
