i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
