Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize