Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
