His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
