she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
