If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you would pick up someone in the library
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She even gives head with a lisp.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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