i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
