so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize