He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
