Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
