More tranny stories later!
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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