I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
