The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
