Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
