I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
