Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i came on her dog
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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