I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
