Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
