i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
