Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize