I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
