I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
