I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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