Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
