He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
did i walk over a car last night?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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