My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
