And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I AM VODKA MAN
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
